Why is being confident so dang hard? Wow I feel like I've been hit with a wave of self-doubt recently. Why do I say the meanest things to myself? It is so hard feeling like enough, when we put our worth in the world. I needed a reminder this week that He is where I should get all my worth from. Recently I have been putting my worth in social media, weight, even motherhood. All my life I have been pretty successful. But recently I have felt like a BIG FAT FAILURE. I've realized that I crave a lot of acceptance and praise from others to feel noticed, worthy, and happy. Even taking these pictures took a lot of encouragement from my husband. I felt completely embarrassed and stupid getting dolled up to take pictures at a lake. That is so unlike me. Something did help me get in front of that freaking dumb camera. And that's my mom. I love seeing pictures of her when she was my age, in that cute bikini on the beach or with her friends at the fair, or with me as baby. I want to give that to my girls too. I want to give them everything I can. 

Motherhood has taken a lot out of me. Made me feel truly empty at times. Completely out of gas and running on fumes. Thinking that at any moment my body will shut down and I'll need someone to come fill me up. Most of the time motherhood fills me with the purest joy and happiness I have ever experienced. Having two tiny girls love me no matter what I look like, what I wear, what my political beliefs are, what my past is....they love me unconditionally.

Why can't I love myself the way they love me? Why can't I love myself the way God does?

To the mom in the sweats who hasn't spoken to another adult in days, I see you. To the mom who literally avoids mirrors because you hate the weight you've gained, I see you. To the mom who can't even cry after a long day because you are too tired for tears, I see you. To the mom bouncing her baby up and down trying to get them to fall asleep, I see you. I see you. I know you. I am you. 

We are not alone. God literally hears and sees you..

Let's put our worth in Him.

And let's take some freaking pictures of ourselves. 

xo carly 

This year has been a year of total chaos & total happiness. 

Favorite Memories:

- Harper learning so many new words

- Going on a mini family vaca to Jackson, WY

- My mom getting to visit us TWICE

- Going to Yellowstone

- Starting an awesome new job with amazing people

- Graduating college with Tay

- Having my family there to see me graduate

- Getting called to serve in my ward's Primary Presidency

- Harper learning how to ride a tricycle

- Taylor getting promoted in his officiating position

- Going on lots of mini adventures together as a family

- Finding out I was pregnant with baby #2

- Spending Thanksgiving in Salt Lake

- Watching Taylor totally kill it at his job

Sad Moments:

- Having to quit my new amazing job after only 6 months

- Spending so much time away from Taylor

- Our best friends move away from us TWICE

- Saying goodbye to our families after they visit

- Cracking my iPhone screen haha

- Harper getting several big girl ouchies

- Money being tighter than ever

What I learned:

- No one is perfect

- Your kids forgive you quickly 

- Parenting is God's greatest gift

- Time is precious

- You are in charge of your happiness

- Its awesome being married to your best friend

- God has a sense of humor

- We are all important 

- Kindness is everything 

Grateful for this incredible year. 

It was filled with pain, joy, faith, hope, failure, trust, and so much more. 

I'm grateful for all the tender moments and special memories. 

Time goes by way too fast. 

Its crazy to think we will be a family of four this year. 

Harper will be turning 3. 

Taylor will be starting grad school. 

We will be moving out of tiny Rexburg. 

So much is going to change and I cannot wait!

xo, Carly

A few weeks ago I won a giveaway put on by some super talented women. I was fortunate enough to get my hair done, makeup done, and pictures taken. There was something soo cool about a bunch of women getting together and creating something. I loved the female power. These girls were the absolutely sweetest and made me feel so beautiful. It was craziness having hair and makeup stuff all around my kitchen; it honestly felt like my wedding day. I was way too spoiled. Something that was pretty cool was that these women are in the beginning of their businesses. Each girl had been doing their trade for less than 2 years. And honestly you could barely even tell. The talent and confidence was unreal. 

We headed down to Eagle Park Campground and had an absolute blast. The area was so luscious and diverse. I was in nature heaven. We got to dip our feet in the river, adventure down dirt roads, and play in a wheat field. It was the best time ever.

Special thanks to all the women who made this possible & My Rosella Boutique for lending me this stunning dress!!

xo, Carly

hair: https://www.instagram.com/petitecoiffeuse/

makeup: https://www.instagram.com/beauty.crystal.clear/

photography: https://www.instagram.com/ksullivanphotography/

dress: https://www.instagram.com/myrosellaboutique/

24. Every year, I always feel that I am way older than I am haha. This year I've really accomplished so much and for the first time I feel like a grown woman. Its been a year of the highest highs and the lowest lows. I graduated college which was huge for me. There were so many nights I broke down in tears to Taylor telling him I didn't know if I could do it. It was so exhausting coming home from work, taking care of Harper and then starting my homework at 10 at night. I really felt like I was living in survivor mode. I pushed myself the farthest emotionally and physically I ever had. Walking across that stage at graduation meant so much to me. This year I really didn't have time o take care of myself. That is definitely a goal this year. To spend some time doing what I love and becoming who I want to be. I want my life to be filled with more moments of laughter, happiness, adventure, long talks, close friendships, and precious moments. I want more moments with God, with Taylor, with Harper. Those really are the most important things to me. 

Also big shout out to Taylor for fulfilling my only birthday wish: hang out in a flower field. 

THIS IS MY HAPPY PLACE.

xoxo, Carly

I am cracking up, because I honestly don't look that blonde in these pictures. When I first saw it, it felt like a huge change. I haven't gotten my hair bleached this much in probably 8 years. It felt good to lighten it up & get back into the blonde game again. I was born blonde and pretty much maintained that color until high school. There, I experimented with every color out there: light blonde, black, chocolate brown, red, dirty blonde. I decided to call it quits around 2011 and let my natural color come through. Man it was wayyy darker than I thought it would be. After having Harper, it basically got 3 shades darker. The darker it got, the less like myself I felt. I am so happy to have light hair again and just feel like me! Plus a fresh cut can't ever do you wrong. I'm loving short hair & I don't think I'll ever grow it out again. Not sure what my next hair color will be. Lighter, darker? I'm thinking maybe 6 months from now to go lighter. Comment down below what you think. Also if I had it my way, I'd dye my hair pink. Taylor told me he'd disown me though soo... I might have to hold off until he owes me a favor ;) 

xo, Carly